Thursday, December 29, 2011

Hooks-For-Hands Man, Part 10: "The Hook Night"

This is a collection of posts from an experimental Twitter account, "InCaseOfHooks," which tell a long story over the course of hundreds of tweets. Stay up to date by following it at, or read the previous entry here.

  • In case of no more waffles, drive reboot-friend back to his house.
  • If you drop reboot-friend off at his house, be surprised to see your presumed-dead ex-best-friend there too.
  • If your ex-best-friend is playing reboot-friend's father, he must be making a cameo appearance in the reboot.
  • If your ex-best-friend acts like he doesn't know you, he must be a real method actor.
  • If your ex-best-friend continues acting, he'll probably ask his son why he is hanging out with a hook-handed homeless man.

  • If he's more concerned about his son hanging out with a homeless man than the fact that his son has no hands, he's probably not a great dad.
  • If he's not a good dad, try calling child protective services, but give up because you don't have your hook-hand-operable phone.
  • If you don't have your hook-hand-operable phone, you might as well drive reboot-you to his house so that you can use his landline.
  • In case the reboot audience is getting restless from the lack of action scenes, take a motorcycle and do some crazy stunts along the way.
  • If this reboot is skewing towards a younger audience, play a popular current song while doing the crazy motorcycle stunts.

  • In case of arrival at reboot-you's house, his house may be burned to the ground.
  • If his house is burned to the ground, that’s too bad, because now you’ll never get to see what the new set for your house would have looked like.
  • In case of burned house so early in the adventure, this reboot is clearly going in a different direction than your story did.
  • If this reboot is going in a different direction, maybe you messed things up by intervening instead of staying in character as a hobo.
  • In case of messing things up, you should probably try and make things right.

  • In case of making things right, ask reboot-you if he wants to be your sidekick, Hooks-For-Hands Boy.
  • If Hooks-For-Hands Boy reminds you that he has top-billing in the reboot, accept playing the crazy old mentor character instead.
  • In case of accepting a smaller role, ask if you can at least be on the poster.
  • If offered a spot on the international poster and the back of the DVD case (but not the Blu Ray), you should probably settle for that.
  • If the deal is settled, search through the smoking remains of the kitchen for any surviving waffle mix.
  • If waffle mix found, celebrate with some slightly toasty waffles.

Click here to read the next entry.

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