This is a collection of posts from an experimental Twitter
account, "InCaseOfHooks," which tell a long story over the course of
hundreds of tweets. Stay up to date by following it at twitter.com/InCaseOfHooks, or read the previous entry here.
- If your own story is being rebooted, tell the hook-handed hobo to hide behind a trashcan.
- If hook-handed hobo is hiding behind a trashcan, you may be approached by two handless boys searching for a back-alley hospital.
- If this is a reboot, they are probably younger and darker/edgier than you and your friend were.
- If the younger/darker/edgier version of you is frightened by your hook hands, he may begin climbing the wall to escape.
- If he begins climbing the wall, use your own hook-hands to give chase.
- If this is a reboot, the updated version of the wall-chase will probably involve a lot of parkour and jumping from building to building.
- If you're too old and tired for parkour, just rocket-hook the reboot-you and confront him on the ground.
- If reboot-you and reboot-friend are on the ground, give them money and direct them to a real hospital so that they won't suffer your fate.
- In case of a more realistic reboot, the mad scientist will be reimagined as a prosthetic surgeon at the hospital.
- If more relevancy is desired, mad surgeon can also have a government contract to research the creation of hook-handed super-soldiers.
- If reboot-you and reboot-friend arrive at the hospital, you need to get there to stop the mad surgeon from experimenting on them.
- If you’re not supposed to be in this remake, there may be soldiers guarding the hospital and searching for you.
- If your hook-hands are a dead giveaway, put on some oven-mitts as a disguise.
- If that’s not enough of a disguise, wear a fake mustache.
- If you already had a mustache, wear a fake lack-of-mustache instead.
- If your disguise is good enough, sneak into the hospital and locate the operating room before your fake mustache falls off.
- If the fake mustache is itchy, you can take it off now.
- If you find reboot-you and reboot-friend, tell them that you’re here to rescue them before they’re turned into rocket-hook-handed monsters.
- If they remind you that this a reboot, realize that rocket-hook-handed monsters would have been too science-fictiony anyway.
- If you're still in the hospital for some reason after having 3 full days to escape, prepare for soldiers to attack.
- If soldiers attack, begin this reboot's first fight scene, which will probably involve lots of slow-motion —> fast-motion —> slow-motion.
- If you seem to be losing the fight, it's probably because you're still wearing oven-mitts.
- If you're having trouble using your oven-mitts to take off your oven-mitts, ask reboot-you to help.
- If he has trouble using his hook-hands to take off your oven-mitts, you'll just have to keep fighting with oven-mitts.
- If you have to fight with oven-mitts, at least use them to your advantage and pick up something hot as a weapon.
- If you need something hot and dangerous, go to the hospital cafeteria and grab a waffle-iron.
- If you win the fight, celebrate with some delicious waffles.
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