Thursday, September 23, 2010

Hooks-For-Hands Man, Part 4: "Hook With A Vengeance"

This is a collection of posts from an experimental Twitter account, "InCaseOfHooks," which tell a long story over the course of hundreds of tweets. Stay up to date by following it at, or read the previous entry here.

  • In case of sequel, prepare to get a little darker and grittier.
  • If more edginess is needed, replace white t-shirt costume with a black t-shirt costume.
  • If black t-shirt is still not enough, grow a goatee.
  • In case of complacency, expect a series of murders by a man with rocket-hook-hands.

  • In case of fatal rocket-hookings, beware becoming the prime suspect.
  • If blamed by the media, meet with spunky photographer girl and ask for help in proving your innocence.
  • If suggested by spunky photographer girl, realize that constantly threatening to rocket-hook people may not be helping your image.
  • In case of elderly aunt being rocket-hooked at home, realize that only one person could have done this, but pause for dramatic effect.

  • If dramatic pause is over, reveal that your old rocket-hook-handed ex-friend must have survived that explosive high-five.
  • If rocket-hook-handed ex-friend survived, he must be back for revenge in a stunning plot twist.
  • In case of plot twist, return to the burned out building where all this started.
  • In case of dramatic arrival by ex-friend, prepare to listen to a long speech about how he was left for dead.

  • In case of long speech, nod politely.
  • If nodding only enrages him, begin playing epic showdown music.
  • In case of epic showdown music, begin epic showdown.
  • In case of epic showdown, prepare to be get beat up at first, and possibly end up on the verge of death.
  • If on the verge of death, have flashback to inspirational speech given by now rocket-hooked aunt.
  • In case of inspiration, overpower ex-friend and almost kill him.

  • In case of almost killing ex-friend, expect spunky photographer girl to appear and remind you that you're no longer a killer.
  • In case of compassion, apologize to your ex-friend.
  • In case of apology, ex-friend may become ashamed of all the rocket-hooking he's done.
  • If ex-friend is now ashamed at what he's done, prepare for him to clap his own rocket-hook-hands together, destroying himself.

  • In case of ex-friend-explosion due to rocket-hook-hand-clap, cover head.
  • If spunky photographer girl is injured, bring her to hospital (a real hospital, not a back-alley one).
  • In case of blame, allow spunky photographer girl to produce photos she took of your ex-friend admitting to his crimes.
  • In case of photos, be exonerated and once again hailed a hero.
  • In case of exoneration, celebrate with a nap, as usual.

Click here to read the next entry.

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