Friday, July 6, 2012

Hooks-For-Hands Man, Part 14: "The Hook Ultimatum"

This is a collection of posts from an experimental Twitter account, "InCaseOfHooks," which tell a long story over the course of hundreds of tweets. Stay up to date by following it at, or read the previous entry here.

  • If The Perfectionist gave you the chance to move on to a new story, tell him that he has the same opportunity.
  • If you tell him that the Hooks-For-Hands stories will never be perfect and he should start something new (like a romcom!), he may be inspired.
  • If he is inspired to wipe out the entire city, ending the Hooks-For-Hands saga once and for all, tell him that's not exactly what you meant.
  • In case of misunderstanding (and Butler Squadron being summoned to kill you), it's time to leave.

  • If that top hat riot is still going on, use it as a diversion to escape from the Butler Squadron.
  • If you need someone who can navigate through the mobs, police, and butlers, you should go free that driver.
  • If the driver had been arrested for not wearing a top hat, he may be locked up in the local combination police station/hat shop.
  • If the combination police station/hat shop also serves delicious crumpets, the driver may not want to leave.

  • If bailing out the driver is expensive, I hope you grabbed some golden goblets or silver socks or something while escaping from the mansion.
  • If the cops will take expensive socks as a bribe, put some crumpets in a take-out bag and leave with the driver.
  • If driver is free, have him drive you back (assuming the bumper-sticker-covered, neon green [non-clown] convertible is where you left it).
  • If Books-For-Hands and Fire-For-Hands Man probably went home, call them on the hook-hand-operable phone and say to meet back at the mailbox.

  • If you arrive at the mailbox to find the Butler Squad attacking Books-For-Hands and Fire-For-Hands Man, yell at the driver for driving slow.
  • If Fire-For-Hands Man is killed in the fight, be happy that there's one less character for us to keep track of.
  • If you're sad about Fire-For-Hands Man being killed off, don't worry, he'll probably come back as a bad guy some day.
  • If you manage to scare off the Butler Squad (the town needs to be vacuumed after that riot mess), wonder how they knew to go to the mailbox.

  • If they only could have known about the mailbox by listening to your phonecall, consider who built the hook-hand-operable phone.
  • If you've forgotten, scroll back and remember that your hook-hand-operable phone was built by your personal gadget inventor/butler.
  • If your personal inventor/butler has secretly been part of the Butler Squadron, then he's been spying on you this entire time.
  • If your butler has been watching over your elderly aunt at the nursing home, rush over there to make sure she's okay.
  • If Books-For-Hands Man's elderly aunt and Hooks-For-Hands Boy's elderly aunt live there too, I guess you can check on them also.

Click here to read the next entry.

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