Sunday, April 1, 2012

Hooks-For-Hands Man, Part 12: "The Hook Night Rises"

This is a collection of posts from an experimental Twitter account, "InCaseOfHooks," which tell a long story over the course of hundreds of tweets. Stay up to date by following it at, or read the previous entry here.

  • If 1960s Hooks-For-Hands Man has been collecting Hooks-For-Hands books and memorabilia for years, maybe there's a clue in that dumpster.
  • If the dumpster is kind of smelly, let 1960s Hooks-For-Hands Man dig through it himself.
  • If 1960s Hooks-For-Hands Man starts handing you old Hooks-For-Hands books to look through, start calling him Books-For-Hands Man because it's fewer characters on Twitter.
  • If you find the 90s comic book from when the first reboot occurred, there may be a suspicious top-hatted man in the background on the cover.
  • In case of suspicious top-hat-sighting in the 90s, find the comic from the 2010 reboot to see if he's in that one too.

  • If the cover picture is of you and your friend searching for a cheap back-alley hospital, notice top-hat man in the corner of the frame.
  • If the same suspicious top-hatted man is crossing over between multiple reboots, maybe he has something to do with them.
  • If the book is filled with pictures of you and your adventures, maybe you should really be worried about who's been taking all these photos.
  • If someone's been taking stalkerish photos of you (and also transcribing all of your dialogue), maybe it's the only photographer you know.

  • If you've forgotten (which is understandable, since she hasn't been mentioned in over a year), go visit Spunky Photographer Girl.
  • If Spunky Photographer Girl welcomes you into her home, ask for some pancakes while you interrogate her about the photos.
  • If she was hired to secretly take photos of you and leave them in an unmarked mailbox downtown every night, feel angry and betrayed and hungry.
  • If the pancakes are delicious enough, forgive her.

  • If Spunky Photographer Girl is forgiven, head downtown and hide behind a bush to stake out that unmarked mailbox.
  • If it's too tiny to hide you, Hooks-For-Hands Boy, Books-For-Hands Man, Fire-For-Hands Man AND Spunky Photographer Girl, find a bigger bush.
  • If you're all hidden behind a giant bush, wait for a suspicious, unmarked, black van with tinted windows to pull up to the mailbox.
  • If a bumper-sticker-covered, neon green convertible pulls up to the mailbox instead, that's even more suspicious.

  • If the driver of the convertible walks over to check the mailbox, ambush him and demand to know whether or not he owns a top hat.
  • If he claims that he doesn't own a top hat but can take you to someone who does, agree to go with him.
  • If the convertible is only a two-seater, tell your friends that you're going this one alone.
  • If Hooks-For-Hands Boy can squeeze between you and the driver, and Spunky Photographer Girl can sit on your lap, then sure I guess they can go too.
  • If you're quickly pulled over by a cop, it's probably because it's against the law to fit that many people in a [non-clown] car.
  • If the driver screams that he can't go pack to prison and runs over the cop, you may have bigger problems to worry about.

Click here to read the next entry.

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