Monday, August 30, 2010

Hooks-For-Hands Man, Part 1: "First Hooks"

This is a collection of posts from an experimental Twitter account, "InCaseOfHooks," which tell a long story over the course of hundreds of tweets. Stay up to date by following it at!

  • In case of fire, break glass.
  • In case of glass, cover head.
  • If no hands to shield head with, seek immediate medical attention for lack of hands.
  • In case of locked door obstructing route to hospital, locate hooks.
  • If hooks found, use hooks as temporary hand replacements, and use hook-hands to open door.

  • In case of high-five to celebrate success opening door, ask friend to consider danger of performing high-five with someone who has hook-hands.
  • In case of friend not considering danger of high-five, causing hook-hand to slice off friend's hand, take turns sharing hook.
  • If pain becomes unbearable, locate phone and call 911.
  • In case hook-hands are too unwieldy to dial tiny buttons on phone, look for nearby hospitals.

  • In case of no convenient hospitals, search back alleys for "alternative" medical expert.
  • In case of back alley being home to an angry homeless man, use hook-hands to frighten him.
  • If hook-hand plan backfires and causes homeless man to become enraged, use hook-hands to scale wall and climb away.
  • If homeless man has his own hook-hands and follows, there is no escape.

  • In case of no escape, admit defeat and give homeless man all of your available money.
  • In case of no money for real medical care, ask around for cheapest doctor in area.
  • In case of cheapest doctor being some sort of mad scientist, run.
  • If shot by mad scientist's freeze ray, attempt to make your way back to burning building so that fire will melt the ice.
  • In case of melting too much, allow scientist to reanimate melted remains as some sort of monster.

  • In case of reanimation as some sort of monster, use opportunity to upgrade hook-hands to rocket-hook-hands.
  • In case of new hooks for hands, incapacitate mad scientist and make a run for it.
  • In case of lab-escape, beware of former friend who has also been reanimated as a rival monster.
  • In case of appearance by reanimated friend, begin playing exciting fight-scene music.
  • In case of exciting fight-scene music, begin fight-scene.

  • In case of fight-scene, dodge ex-friend's rocket-hooks and attack with your own rocket-hooks.
  • In case of victory, have flashbacks to fond memories of times spent with ex-friend.
  • In case of flashbacks, consider meaninglessness of violence and form truce with friend.
  • In case of truce, perform high-five.
  • In case of friend again not considering danger of high-five and causing rocket-hook to blow up friend, fall to knees.
  • If on knees, look to sky and shout "nooooo."

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