Why I Want To Write A Book

Here is why I want to write a book:

• So it can have a really awful cover, and people won't want to read it. But then they will read it, and see how good it actually was, and say "Wow, I guess I should never judge a book by its cover," and now I've taught them a valuable lesson.
• So it can be made into a book-on-tape read by celebrities. Or read by me doing celebrity impressions.
• So that this tape can then be made into a tape-on-book. That way, readers can read it in their own celebrity impressions.
• So it will get rave reviews, all of which include pithy little blurbs which perfectly encapsulate what's so great about my book, but are also the perfect length for putting them on the back cover.
• So I can take a tasteful black and white photo of myself sitting in a leather armchair on the porch of a seaside cabin, and put it above my Author's Bio on the last page.
• So it can be made into an inferior movie, which people will watch and then say "The book was much better." But the movie ends up being an international blockbuster and I get really rich anyway.
• So I can end it with the line, "And that's how Charles and Brenda finally realized that all they would ever need to be truly happy was a jet-ski."
• So I can release it in hardcover, and then softcover, and then a kind of mediumcover that's flexible but still won't close while you're reading it.
• So I can write a sequel.