Friday, April 17, 2009


My list of things to accomplish before I die:

[ ] Learn to surf
[ ] Hug a penguin
[ ] Perform stand-up on open-mic-night at a comedy club
[ ] Have a cartoon published in The New Yorker
[ ] Foil a bank robbery
[ ] Rob a bank
[ ] Become an undercover cop and join a group of bank robbers on a heist, but then save the day at the end
[ ] Actually get away with all the money myself after the robbery, and become a rogue cop on the run
[ ] Be in an awesome chase scene where I'm riding on a motorcycle, and all the cops are chasing after me in a helicopter, and the surviving bank robbers are after me in their cars trying to get the money back
[ ] Get captured by the cops, and make a deal to help lead them to the robbers by pretending to escape and seeking refuge at the gang's hideout
[ ] Find out that the cop who I made the deal with is actually a mole for the gang, and he's just letting me free so that the robbers can get revenge
[ ] Have a climactic three-way showdown with the crooked cop and the leader of the robbers on the roof of the bank where the original robbery took place
[ ] Reveal that I've actually been working undercover the entire time and this was a plot to uncover corruption in the department
[ ] Fight the crooked cop in an exciting hand-to-hand fight scene involving lots of parkour through the bank while it begins collapsing around us
[ ] Say something witty while tying up the crooked cop with one of those little pens by the deposit slips with the chains keeping them tethered to the counter, and then walk out of the bank while it explodes behind me
[ ] Now reveal that I was actually the real leader of the robbers all along; I was working as a cop to ensure my safety, and have now fooled everybody
[ ] Take all the money for myself, and pin the blame on the crooked cop while being promoted to police chief, and planning another heist (to set up a sequel)
[x] Learn to ride a unicycle.

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